Wisdoms from 40 and beyond
and brb, just turning my world upside down
🎧 You can catch me presenting this week’s episode of BBC Radio 4’s The Food Programme called: The New Good Life — Leyla Kazim is uprooting her life to Portugal to grow her own food, but does she have the skills to be successful?
(I mean seriously, do I?? 😅)
Listen via BBC Sounds now, or wherever you usually get your podcasts from, from 25th July.
Hi! This is Leyla from A Day Well Spent, a newsletter about purposeful living.
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I have a couple of rather large life milestones in my immediate future
In two weeks time, not only are my husband and I uprooting our lives and leaving London for rural Portugal to embark on a new adventure that will involve building a house and living off the land.
But on that same weekend, I also turn 40.
What better way to mark the start of this next 10 year cycle with a seismic shift that turns our lives completely on their heads, right?!
I can’t imagine I’ll be forgetting this birthday any time soon.
On the day itself, I’ll most likely be knee deep in cardboard boxes and paper shaving packing void fill.
But I’ll be celebrating it properly with friends and family at a four day wine, food, music and culture festival about 6 weeks later in September, which I’m very much looking forward to.
How am I feeling about leaving my 30s behind? Actually, really quite fine. My 40th hasn’t crept up on me and I’ve been looking forward to meeting it where I am.
I am mostly feeling quite peaceful in mind, body and spirit. If not frazzled by the to do list that doesn’t seem to be getting any shorter, as well as living amongst chaos and cardboard.
This has been exacerbated by all of the socialising my husband and I have been doing of late, trying to squeeze in seeing friends and family before we go. It means we keep putting off all of the tasks.
I’m sure it will be fine (?)
I also feel pretty good that this big birthday is being acknowledged in such a meaningful way with this new beginning. We could have chosen any weekend to move, but I purposely chose the one of my 40th.
Almost like I’m permanently etching into my memory what a significant page turn in my life this is. A different kind of birthday celebration.
I also feel eternally grateful and fortunate that I am even here, in a position where I am able to look ahead at a new decade with a little self-doubt but mostly excitement.
I do not take this for granted.
Having said that, I know people can get a bit down about age milestones.
So I thought it might be nice to collate some wisdoms from people I know and admire who are 40 or over, about this specific decade of life, whether they have just entered it or are well beyond it.
I asked a bunch of friends what are / were some of the best things about being in your 40s, unexpected joys from those years and what people can look forward to about entering this decade of life.
Below are all the very generous responses. There is so much lived experience in these words. I hope you enjoy them. I really did!
And they’ve really helped me gain some perspective on what’s to come.
Thank you again to all of you who contributed, you guys are the best.
brb just turning my world upside down
Because of all the chaos and turbulence that will accompany all the packing and removals and travel and unpacking and finding a new rhythm and learning a new language —
— and because most of us will hopefully be spending less time looking at our screens and more time enjoying each other’s company over the summer holidays —
— I thought it would be sensible for A Day Well Spent to also take a summer break.
So you will next receive a column from me in just a few weeks when I will (hopefully??) start to feel at least a bit settled in both a brand new country and decade of life. And I’ll still be dipping in and out of Instagram and Substack Notes in the meantime.
I can’t wait to share how it’s all going with you! And perhaps also know a few more words of Portuguese by then.
If you’re after some reading material about purposeful living in the meantime, please enjoy the full A Day Well Spent archive of 190+ articles, at your disposal.
And for those who have been saving Pathways to read on your holidays, I really hope you love it! Please let me know what you think!
Big love to all of you and I hope you have a gorgeous, heart-swelling summer.
Wish me luck – I’ll see you on the other side!
Wisdoms from 40 and beyond
Q: What are / were some of the best things about being in your 40s, unexpected joys from those years and what can people look forward to about entering this decade of life?
If you would like to share your own answer to this question, we would all love to hear it! Please do so in a comment below:
‘Looking back, the most striking thing about my forties wasn't the decade itself — it was how much energy I squandered worrying about turning forty when I was, in truth, still so young.
Like many women, I proclaimed at forty that I finally knew who I was. But that revelation actually came at fifty, and I suspect it will arrive again at sixty.’
— , NYT bestselling author making a new life in Italy
‘Give yourself time. Your 40s aren’t the finish line – they’re the tuning stage, a new beginning.
Let go of the pressure to have it all figured out. Be patient and kind to yourself, and trust that your strengthened intuition – that wonderful inner voice – is finally becoming the loudest voice in your psyche.’
— Curtis Holder, artist
‘Being alive still. A close friend died of cancer in her early 30s, and she wanted to live so badly. I've had a health scare that I thought might kill me. And through others, I know of many people who've died suddenly or through illness and it comes a point where you realise life isn't a given, it's not a right.
It's a massive fucking privilege and yet in the West, capitalism has us thinking that to age is somehow negative, that we should reverse ageing and lie about how long we've been here — while all around the world people die hoping for more life.
No — when I get to wake up yet again every single morning I feel lucky. And to reach 40: 40 springs, 40 summers, 40 birthdays, 40 years of joys to celebrate and hardships to learn from, that is being incredibly fortunate.’
— Melissa Thompson, chef and writer
‘To know that time does make you better at what you do — assuming you’ve managed to stick at something. Which means you can charge more for it.
And you get the confidence to tell people, who raise their eyebrows at a suggested price for your work, ‘Don’t think of the cost I’m charging by the hour or the day, but of the decades I have behind me of experience.’
— William Sitwell, restaurant critic and columnist for The Telegraph
‘I've stopped even entertaining what people that I don't value have to say about me or my worth. Forget about leaning into a boardroom, I have leaned into my life, who I am, what I like and who I love.
I also lean into listening to my intuition — your spidey sense has now been with you for 40+ years, listen to it.
If your skin is going hot or something is telling you something is off, I no longer worry about anyone else's perception, I believe my body and hit the ejector button.’
— , writer and activist
‘Honestly, just feeling totally comfortable in my own skin which I’ve never felt until I hit over 40!
That unshakable sense of self hits different, especially when I’ve spent years second guessing my appearance and start showing up exactly as you are and that feeling is unmatched!’
— Shelina Permalloo, food writer, consultant and TV chef
‘Giving way fewer fucks about people and situations that don’t add to the positivity of life. A willingness to try as many new things as took my fancy.
A keen awareness that life is temporary, and that there is no point in living - personally, in relationships, in the everything of life - as if it isn't.
A galloping intolerance for moaning — my own most keenly — which is not to say I don't engage with the bad times, whether mine or others’, but let the moaning be in proportion to the scale of the tedium.
Family and friends — there's not much else.’
— , writer, cook and grower
‘Being in my 40s feels like reaching a calm, elevated moment in my path, where the rush of discovery slows down and gives way to a deeper appreciation of experiences.
Of course, life is still a rush, and on a daily basis, I don’t always have the time to carefully observe this process — but when I do pause and look around, this is pretty much the feeling I get.’
— Patrícia Ferreira de Sousa, architect
‘There's this quiet contentment that comes with realising you can't have it all — and that's perfectly fine.
I used to think I needed the perfect career, perfect home, perfect everything. Now I see the blessing in what I already have.
That shift from constantly reaching for more to appreciating what's already here? It's been unexpectedly liberating.’
— , food writer, chef and broadcaster
‘The beauty of hitting 40 is that you know who you are. You may have made mistakes - sure - in terms of relationships, misguided career choices or your own behaviours but you’ve learnt from them.
Even at 40 you can begin again. There’s every chance that the best years of your life are ahead of you.’
— , food writer and journalist
‘Re-evaluating my relationships. In some cases that’s brought me even closer to people I love, and made me value them more than ever. In others that’s meant a considered distancing from people that were a big part of my 30s.
A renewed sense of purpose and fulfilment in everything you do — because it’s in your 40s that you start to truly back yourself with turbo charged self-determination.
One book I read described 40s as “a radical awakening” and I like that a lot… that’s exactly how it feels, and it’s very thrilling!’
— , food and travel writer
‘I have learnt to prioritise my health and wellbeing so that I can be there for others. I have learnt that my soul always has and will always belong to the land.
Turning 40 was the start of the journey for me to go within and as each decade passed life just got better. Last year I turned 60 and I have fully embraced the idea that small moments of joy can have a ripple effect.
Taking care of what’s around me, only changing what I can change and living with a bit more intention every day.’
— , writer, speaker, mentor and community cook in Sicily
‘I learnt that I could survive a rubbish book review and that it was OK not to be a perfect mum. I learnt how to manifest what I really wanted and THAT IT WORKED!
It took me well into my 50s to realise what I really wanted, but that's another story…
I'm not sure it's this just specific decade, but the opportunity to pivot.
We've got a bag full of skills by our 40s, and perhaps some time to empty them out on the bed and have a rummage, a rearrange and then make a whole new vision board.’
— , food journalist and podcaster
‘In all honesty, my 30s were pretty great and I’m more bothered by ageing (on both vain and practical levels) than I thought I’d be.
And yet, as I go deeper into my, let’s say ‘early-mid’ 40s, I reckon I am enjoying an era of quiet confidence — I know who I am better than ever, care less about pleasing others for the sake of it, and have generally relaxed into myself.
Basically, I feel present and content, but also able to take a step back and observe. And I think that’s an age thing.’
— , cook, recipe and food writer
‘You will be reinventing yourself your whole life. Don't wait to find your thing to do your thing - you'll always be looking, refining, learning new things which will take you in different directions.
You have so much to look forward to — not least, how utterly brilliant your fifties can be.’
— , journalist, writer and editor
‘At 40 you have a significant bank of experience behind you, and momentum builds, hopefully into wisdom. A depth of perspective begins to emerge in a tangible way, like the lessons of your past are finally taken seriously.
I feel the trajectory of my forties is one of slowing down, of shifting from gathering experiences and knowledge to one of sharing, of planting seeds, of cultivating on many levels.
Less fighting, more hugs. Less anger, more understanding.’
— , nomadic cheesemaker
‘Approaching 40 feels like seeing the horizon close and wondering if you’re going to fall off the edge of a cliff — but actually when you get there, it’s just a rise in the path and the way ahead is looking pretty good.
To start with, you don’t have to worry about turning 40 any more. You’re young, but you’re not naive any more — you’ve got experience, knowledge, wisdom and you know yourself. You’re indisputably a grown up.
It’s a fabulous time to be alive.’
— Xanthe Clay, food writer and columnist at The Telegraph
‘I think I embraced or remembered my heritage when it came to aging. To grow old, in Nigerian culture especially, is a gift and privilege to be celebrated as exuberantly as possible.
One of the great pleasures of entering your 40s is that you can feel both green and seasoned; young enough to be open to new experiences and ideas, but old enough to know your own mind and when it's time to call it a night.
Although, having recently been to an especially wild 50th birthday, with a neo-pagan fancy dress theme and a near-5am finish time, I can assure you that the parties are only going to get better.’
— , restaurant critic, writer and broadcaster
‘I have a great-uncle who is 99 years old who told me, when I turned 40, that I was entering “man’s best decade”.
In his case, this involved frequent car trips from Lisbon to Madrid with a girlfriend – he had many – to enjoy the ‘movida’, whatever that was in 1960’s Madrid.
In my case, it’s being very different, but I guess I get him – if one’s lucky, one still feels quite young and crisp on the outside, but confident and wise on the inside (not implying he was wise back then, which he wasn’t).
This balance is probably much harder in younger or older age.’
— Vasco Matias Correia, architect
‘Nothing prepares you for the rollercoaster, overwhelming responsibility and shapeshifting experience of parenthood.
For all its joy, love and wonder, it changes everything in such profound ways, and I really appreciated having had almost four decades to get to know and trust myself before my world was blown open in that way.
On the flipside, I feel like my forties is going to be a decade of personal and creative growth, and that's hugely exciting.
I also made the decision to start therapy, which has been something that's been very impactful and useful, particularly as I go about bringing up other little people."
— , food and travel writer and author
‘The most joyful thing about turning 40 was suddenly becoming entirely comfortable and happy in myself. I left my hair naturally curly, stopped people pleasing and found my voice.
I did also get divorced, which wasn't part of my life plan. But it meant I could learn to be comfortable in my own company and fall in love with myself for the first time - warts and all!’
— , food writer and commentator / presenter
‘"Everyone should be quiet near a little stream and listen".
The older I get, the more I think about those words.
We're told in the build-up of our lives to get that [job/ money/ wife/ house/ car/ stuff] and compete with each other, leaving in our own wake the things that matter more: the natural world, being in the moment, creativity.
Maybe it is becoming a parent, maybe it is reflecting on milestones, or maybe it is revisiting the Krauss-Sendak genius, but what excites me now at 40 something is finding simplicity in simple things and joy in joyful things, while I try (and sometimes fail) not to sift everything through my adult-ness.’
— JP Watson, founder of
‘How do I feel since turning 40? A little more confident? Definitely. Putting myself first and looking after myself more? I hope so. Doing all the Pilates and eating all the probiotics and bone broth? Absolutely.
It’s been my favourite decade so far, even though I’m only a couple of years in — and I’m making the most of this one, as the next one is the half a century milestone, haha!’
— Meliz Berg, cook, food writer and author
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As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
What are / were some of the best things about being in your 40s, unexpected joys from those years and what can people look forward to about entering this decade of life?
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