Why we need intergenerational friendships
To help us lead enriched, happier and longer lives - a guest column
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Welcome to guest writer season here on A Day Well Spent — For a few weeks while I’m on the road, I am publishing some brilliant columns from guest writers and I’m so excited to share their voices with you.
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Why we need intergenerational friendships
To help us lead enriched, happier and longer lives
by Nim de Swardt
At 30 I had a boss, Mike, 40 years my senior. He embodied life experience and wisdom, I brought youthful innovation.
Our partnership transcended age. This shaped my understanding of intergenerational relationships and the power of staying curious and open to learning from one another.
Mentorship is often considered a one-way street, but my time with Mike taught me it’s a two-way gift.
The power of intergenerational friendships
Earlier this year I texted my 70-year-old friend, Sally-Ann, asking about her hopes for 2024.
Her response, “Just to be healthy. Our other dreams, we can make, can’t we?” stopped me mid-walk.
It was a reminder of the rich wisdom that older friends offer — what I call lived experience wisdom.
I’ve always been drawn to conversations with older people. Friendships like Sally-Ann’s and mentors like Mike, enrich my life in immeasurable ways.
Friendships with people occupying different decades to our own reflect our shared humanity and remind us of what truly matters. They offer insights into paths already walked, acting as a map to navigate our own lives.
Age-diverse acquaintances offer us all a constant stream of win-win wisdom.
Your age = your asset
We’re living in the most age-diverse time in history. Populations are rapidly aging, birth rates are decreasing and people are living longer.
Yet divisive cultural narratives — ageism, segregation, stereotypes — often drive us apart. We're the loneliest and most disconnected in history. And whilst age is a universal experience, we often overlook its value in diversity conversations.
It’s time to reconnect with eachother. And there’s an accessible gift, right at our fingertips, to help us achieve that: intergenerational connection.
Yes, ‘intergenerational’ often brings up thoughts of trauma. But what if it’s just a branding problem? Ageing is trending and curiosity about those who are older or younger than us is alive.
From podcasts like Wiser Than Me (Apple’s Best Podcast of the Year for 2023) to expats renting older men in Japan for companionship, to celebrities like Beyonce and Dolly Parton collaborating (30 years between them), new narratives are challenging the generational wars.
These new ways intentionally include people with vastly differing numbers of years lived. There is a turning point in global population history underway and it’s time to co-create social change, together, across all ages.
French philosopher and the father of sociology, Auguste Comte, claimed “Demography is destiny”. Now, our shared destiny depends on intergenerational collaboration to build a more connected and resilient future for all.
A new passport to connection
Culture theorist
pins ‘age play’ as one of the most reported social shifts, after analysing 70+ global forecasts. He questions, ‘What if: Native, Indigenous practices were cheat codes all along?’Historically, indigenous cultures showed us the value of age diversity, gathering around campfires to share stories across generations. We’ve lost this practice in modern society, but we can reclaim it.
What is ‘intergenerational connection’?
I define it as bringing different generations together to promote understanding and empathy.
If you’re sceptical and thinking younger/older people just don’t get it, let me encourage you to stay curious.
Consider the science. Stanford’s New Map of Life highlights the necessity of age-inclusive relationships and shows that connecting across generations makes us happier, individually and collectively healthier and can even extend our lives.
No matter how many candles are on your cake, the wisdom and insights you gain from connecting with those born in a different era are timeless — it is a gift that keeps on giving. Plus, it’s good for your health.
It takes just one person to step forward. Research from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center in their Bridging Differences Playbook, shows that learning from others’ differences — especially age-related ones — enhances our work, communities and relationships.
Live intergen
To ‘live intergen’ is to embrace curiosity and seek out opportunities for connection with people older or younger than yourself.
It could be a mentor mentee set-up, a work partnership or an alliance that crosses generational lines. Whether at work, in our families, or within our broader social circles, a bond with someone from a different age bracket is a powerful tool for growth and happiness.
At this point, I am not necessarily encouraging you to become best friends with your parents or children. Potential enriching exchanges exist all around you — beyond your blood relations — and can be found in simple, everyday interactions.
Some of my most impactful ‘intergen’ experiences are so simple, but equally powerful. Like in the supermarket checkout line or saying hello to a local called John.
Look for the win-win
The truth is that age has no boundaries when it comes to finding a kindred spirit and learning from each other.
Building relationships with people from a different generation to your own is about finding the win-win: mutual benefit, reciprocity and equal exchange.
What can you offer, and what can you gain in return?
I have younger friends who teach me about TikTok, while I help them with career advice. My older mentors and friendships provide invaluable life guidance.
The beauty of this companionship lies in the bi-directional flow of knowledge and insight — each generation has unique strengths and lived life experiences to share.
These connections are my absolute life force.
Deeply personal, deeply universal
For me, serving other generations has been an antidote to my more challenging human experiences like anxiety, loneliness and grief.
Sharing our personal wisdoms builds bridges and in doing so, we find universality in our humanity. We can always learn from the walkers ahead. And we can embody the spirit of paying it forward.
Live. Learn. Pass in on.
Where curiosity meets intention
The secret to ‘living intergen’ lies in intention.
It’s about experimenting to find what works for you, from mentor relationships to age-diverse community groups, book clubs, volunteering or shared interests.
Someone out there is just as curious as you, eager to teach and learn together.
It’s time to let go of age biases, assumptions and divisive narratives. No matter our age, we all have something to give and something we’d like to receive — and it only takes one of us to spark that relationship.
Together, we can create a future where every generation thrives in a shared exchange of wisdom, stories and support.
It starts with you — how do you embrace the win-win of intergenerational connection?
is a storyteller, strategist, speaker, writer and CEO — but her most important title is simply human. Intergenerational Connection is her life’s work, across companies, families and communities. She created to advocate for lived experience wisdom because wisdom isn’t taught, it’s shared. More at nimdeswardt.com