The world according to your Mum doing the washing

by British poet and musician Joshua Idehen - this is kind of genius

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I first heard Mum Does the Washing by British poet and musician Joshua Idehen on Jamz Supernova on BBC Radio 6 Music, on Saturday afternoon. My ear pricked and my attention focussed in like a homing missile – it forced me to stop what I was doing and give it my full attention. 

In this music, Joshua is explaining theories of the world through the analogy of a Mum doing the washing, reciting the lyrics to the backdrop of a dance beat. And the lyrics are — brilliant. They made me laugh, they made me think. They educated me and they entertained me. 

Mum Does the Washing is art depicting life in music and I absolutely had to share it with you all.

It seems Joshua is still very much up and coming as a solo artist (he has previously worked with many bands over the years before doing his own thing). So much so that I couldn’t find a single webpage that already had these lyrics typed out – I was desperate to read them after hearing the song!

Please enjoy Joshua’s interpretation of ‘the world according to your Mum doing the washing’. I didn’t know what half of these big-word terms meant and now I feel like perhaps I actually might with Joshua’s analogies.

Maybe this format should be expanded to cover a whole dictionary of terms..?

The lyrics are below but you absolutely must listen to the actual song for the full effect. And I suggest you do this before reading the lyrics.

You can watch the official video on Joshua’s YouTube channel or listen to the song on Spotify.

I’m so glad I now know about Joshua and his work and I look forward to getting acquainted with more of it!

Mum Does The Washing by Joshua Idehen

The world according to your Mum doing the washing.

Capitalism. Your Mum does the washing. You pay her a dollar. You get her to do your mate’s washing. Your mate pays you fifty dollars. 

Communism. Your Mum does the washing. You do the washing. Every night, you salute a picture of your dad.

Socialism. Your Mum does the washing. You do the cooking. Everybody is happy, in theory. 

Feudalism. Your Mum does the washing. And pays you tax. 

Colonialism. You barge into your Mum’s room. Claim you discovered your Mum’s room. Dump all your dirty clothes on the floor. 

Fascism. Your Mum does the washing. And you are obsessed with her nose.

Liberalism. You watch your Mum do the washing and you feel really, really bad. Something must be done, you say. Something may or may not get done. 

Libertarianism. Your Mum does the washing. You believe you did the washing. 

Religion. Your Mum does the washing. You thank God. 

Atheism. Your Mum does the washing. You make a 12-part YouTube video demanding peer-reviewed evidence that she did, in fact, do the washing.

Zionism. You shoved your Mum into the washing machine and the spinning made her dizzy. And that dizziness made her vomit. And you point at that vomit and call it anti-Semitism.

Americanism. Your Mum does the washing. It's in the Constitution. End of discussion. 

Mansplaining. Your Mum does the washing. You tell her how best to do the washing. You have never done the washing.

Same-sex marriage. Your mums do the washing. 

Patriarchy. Your Mum doesn't exist. The washing is mysteriously done. 

Terfism. Your Mum doesn't want your other Mum doing the washing because of, like, genitals and stuff.

Polling. There's a 70% chance you will do the washing on Saturday night. Come Sunday morning, it was 100% done by your Mum.

Africanism. You go to Benny's house. Benny's Mum does the washing. You ask your Mum why she doesn't do the washing. You do not survive the night. 

Feminism. Your Mum insists you grow up and do your own washing. 

White feminism. Your Mum hired a woman of colour to do the washing.

Male feminism. That one time I did the washing I told everybody I did the washing. I blogged about it, bragged about, took a selfie, Insta story. Went on TV, won an Oscar. Went on Fortnight, did a dance. I am an ally. Hashtag me too. 

Egalitarianism. That one time you did the washing is proof it's all equal and no one needs feminism anymore. 

Hip-hop. Every day I'm hustling. Every day I'm hustling. When I bring the basket, Mama puts the washing in.

Narcissism. You look good in the clothes your Mum washed. 

Surrealism. The washing does your Mum.