Why I chose to live with my Mum in my 30s
Going against the grain of societal expectations - a guest column
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Why I chose to live with my Mum in my 30s
Going against the grain of societal expectations
by Navina Donata
Living with your parents in your thirties isn’t exactly a lifestyle choice you see on Instagram.
For a lot of people where independence is almost a rite of passage, the idea of co-living with your mum well into adulthood can raise more than a few eyebrows.
Yet here I am, living with my mother.
Not because I can’t afford to live on my own. I’m here because I chose this, a life that’s filled with shared moments, family warmth and — yes — the occasional bout of frustration.
The quiet stigma
In Western cultures, the idea of an adult child living with their parents is often seen as a failure.
People assume that if you’re still living at home, you must be struggling financially, emotionally or socially. It’s as if your worth as an adult hinges on how quickly you can get out from under your parents’ roof and into your own space.
The moment I finished high school, I felt forced to move out and into my own place because most of my friends were — it felt like the natural flow of life.
I enjoyed my newly found independence, for a while. Even though I invited friends over and hosted parties, I’d quite often end up going home to stay with my mum for a few days.
I still feel that pressure first hand
Especially as a single woman in my thirties, who has also chosen not to have children. Society has slowly begun to accept that women like me can lead full and happy lives without a partner or kids.
But the same understanding doesn’t extend to our living arrangements.
I’ve met other women and men who are in a similar situation, living with their parents or even grandparents, because it makes them happy. But many of them are reluctant to share this with others, worried about what people might think.
For a long time, I was the same way. I was hesitant to admit that I enjoyed living with my mum because I was afraid of being judged. But over time, I’ve come to see things differently.
Rediscovering home during Covid
The Covid pandemic changed a lot of things for a lot of people, including me.
Before the pandemic, I lived alone and I struggled with loneliness. Even when I was in a relationship, I often felt a sense of emptiness that I couldn’t shake. My mum and I were always close and I found myself visiting her almost daily.
When lockdowns hit, it made sense for us to move back in together. At first, it was supposed to be temporary. But as time went on, we both realised how much better we felt living together. The house was filled with conversation and laughter during mentally challenging times.
What started as a temporary solution became a new way of life that neither of us wanted to give up.
I’ll admit I was nervous about telling my friends. Would they think I was taking a step backwards? Would they pity me or think I was avoiding adulthood? Would they even judge my mum?
Because these have been the reactions I’ve experienced throughout my whole life, whenever I’ve talked about the strong and close relationship my mother and I have.
But as I began to share my experience in 2021, I found that people were more understanding than I’d expected. Many even had similar ideas of co-living. They craved the same kind of connection and community but felt trapped by the societal expectation to live alone or with a partner.
A different cultural lens
Part of what helped me embrace this choice is my Ethiopian heritage. The family unit is strong and in times of need, you can always count on your family.
It’s not about failure or dependency; it’s about maintaining close family ties and ensuring that no one has to face life’s challenges alone.
This cultural perspective has been a huge source of strength for me. It’s made me realise that the way we live our lives in the West isn’t the only way — and it’s certainly not always the best way.
Why is it so frowned upon to find comfort and joy in living with the people you love most?
Rethinking what it means to "make it“
The pressure to live independently is intense but it’s worth questioning where that pressure comes from and whether it makes sense for everyone.
For me, success isn’t about ticking the boxes of societal expectations — living alone, climbing the career ladder, or checking off traditional milestones. It’s about finding what makes me happy and fulfilled, even if that looks different to what other people expect.
With this definition of success, I’ve come to see my choice to live with my mum not as a fall back option, but as a conscious decision that enhances my life. We share meals, talk about our days and support each other in ways that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
There’s something deeply satisfying about coming home to a house filled with warmth and understanding, where I can be myself without pretence. For me, this isn’t just a living arrangement; it’s a choice that has brought me closer to the things that matter.
Embracing family by choice
One of the most empowering things I’ve learned from this experience is that we get to choose what family means to us. It’s not about being tied down or dependent; it’s about recognising the value of those relationships and making them a priority.
I know many people who are searching for a sense of community, for deeper connections in their lives. Yet, the stigma around living with family keeps them from exploring these options.
It’s time to challenge that stigma and embrace the fact that there are many ways to build a fulfilling life. Whether that means living with a parent, a sibling, or a close friend, what’s most important is that our living arrangements support our well-being and bring us joy.
Finding happiness in unexpected places
Living with my mum has given me a sense of calm and creative clarity that I struggled to find when I was on my own. In a world that often celebrates independence above all else, I’ve chosen to value connection, family and the simple joys of shared life.
This choice hasn’t always been easy and it’s forced me to confront my fears about judgment and societal expectations. But in the end, it’s a choice that has made me happier than I ever thought possible.
I don’t feel the need to explain or justify my decision anymore. Instead, I share it proudly, hoping that my story might encourage others to rethink what success and happiness look like for them.
Life is too short to live by someone else’s rules. For me, a day well spent is one that’s filled with love, laughter and the comfort of knowing that I’m right where I’m meant to be.
is a 37-year-old cultural and literary scientist passionate about art, literature, music, photography and film. By day she is a dedicated bookseller, surrounded by stories and ideas; by night she is a writer, weaving her own at . She shares a house with her mum and their lively dog, Hugo.